We Wait

I am not a blogger.  I don't claim to be a blogger.  I have directed people to this blog and then have deserted it altogether.  I think it may be time to share my heart a bit for anyone who wishes to know what is really going on with this adoption.

I have discovered that by avoiding this blog and not talking a whole lot about Jonah Mingyu, that I am somewhat guarding myself against getting excited to avoid disappointment and heartache. You see, raising funds by promoting and making scarves was an AMAZING distraction during this wait.  But, we have raised a great deal of money for our first trip and it has all slowed down. The excitement has worn off. We have been extremely blessed by friends and family and even strangers.  But I had hoped we would be further along in our timeline by this point after raising all of those funds.  I originally calculated that our traveling might occur in February and March.   Then thought that maybe it would be May.  I am now calculating possibly summer traveling.  There is just no way to know.  

So, I've discovered that I don't want to look at Jonah's pictures and videos and ache for him so bad that it hurts each day when we get no news of our progress. We received a new video of him 2 weeks ago.  I haven't even loaded it on my iPad to share it with anyone.  Yep..... I do believe that is a sign of protecting myself against the excitement that leads to disappointment.  I, also, haven't watched it nearly as much as the previous videos.  Please don't misunderstand.  I am excited and I also long for this child.  But, I simply don't allow myself to experience those emotions on a daily basis or to even think about it on a daily basis.  I don't know if it makes sense, but I do have extreme PEACE with the entire process of waiting and the unknown.   But I am also protecting myself emotionally.

It is difficult enough to live each day in the unknown of what our next months will be. We have TWO trips to South Korea that will have to fit into our lives at some point.  We have no idea when those trips will occur.  For someone like me, who is flexible but feels secure in the "plan", it is a challenge to look through my year and not know when I will add another little being to this household.  Even more difficult, is that I don't know how old he will be by the time we introduce him into our lives.  I once thought, we'd get him before he was walking.  Now, I'm not even sure if he will still only be 1 yr. old.  He may be 2 (birthday is August 30).

So, for those of you who are a bit confused about why we have to wait, I will attempt to explain what I know.
Step 1:  Complete Home Study & US Emigration requirements/  Accept Referral
Step 2: Send Acceptance paperwork of a referral to South Korea ( Aug. 27th for us) 
Step 3:  Paperwork is prepared and submitted for EP  (Nov. 27th for us)
Step 4:  EP is approved
Step 5:  Paperwork is submitted to Court and we wait for a court date
Step 6:  Receive court date and make travel plans to meet Jonah Mingyu
              Once we travel, we meet Jonah Mingyu, go to court, then come back to home
Step 7:  Receive Custody date & make plans to go back to Korea and get Jonah Mingyu
      during this step, we also get a Visa Interview date for while we are in Korea

Step 8:   BRING JONAH MINGYU HOME!!!!!

We have to surrender this process to God daily.  We have no control over what is happening with our son or how long it will be until we get to meet him and bring him home.  I pray for a miracle every day but also I recognize that God knows the best time for us AND for him.  As I have information, I will share but having very little information for me just means I'd rather focus on the rest of my life, such as enjoying being a wife, a mom to a 6-yr. old, a music therapist, and a daughter and sister within a pretty fun family.  There is ALWAYS lots to do and we have very full lives.  It all makes the waiting easier!